Mumbai Police: From Real Threats to “VIP” Clown Cars – A Public Service Announcement with Extra Masala…
Arre bhai, Mumbai Police, yeh kya tamasha chal raha hai?
Gone are the days when hoteliers and restaurateurs actually needed Z+ security because of genuine threats. Ab toh jokers, wannabe influencers, and Bandra’s self-proclaimed “businessmen” are rolling like mini-PMs! Pilot vehicle ahead? Check. Armed guards? Check. Full convoy of cars? Check. One more desperate car at the back with rented private security looking like they lost a bet? Double check.
I swear, even the mosquitoes in Bandra West have signed a peace treaty with these guys. Nobody wants them dead — not even their accountants during tax season.
Take this one genius from Bandra: He makes his poor watchman change into a Safari suit at night, just so the guy can stand like a bouncer when sir is queuing up for his overpriced drink. Same watchman gets salary after two months and the safari probably smells like expired Old Monk and broken dreams.
Another legend had his bag “robbed” from his car. Drama! Police protection request filed immediately. Plot twist: The “goon” who took it returned the bag with 500 rupees extra because even the LV was a local Bandra market jugaad copy. Bro turned a fake attack into security status. Oscar for Best Performance in a Non-Threatening Role. (No one will ask me the name )
Real people with actual XYZ threats must be sitting there, sipping their cutting chai, finger in mouth, thinking: “Hum toh asli khatre mein hain, aur yeh log security laga ke reel bana rahe hain?”
Message time (with love and zero bakwas): Mumbai Police & Traffic Department — thoda filtering karo yaar. Stop renting out the city’s roads for these status parades. If someone wants to LARP as a VIP, fine them heavily for unnecessary honking, breaking signals, and turning our Linking Road into a daily juloos. Normal middle-class uncle on his scooter gets stopped for PUC and license. But these convoys get a free Red Carpet + traffic jam pass?
Imagine the fines these guys would actually pay — their hearts (and wallets) aren’t built for it. One proper challan and their “security” budget might go back to paying the watchman’s salary on time.
This is just Andheri to Bandra West. Thane, Navi Mumbai, and deeper Maharashtra are running their own VIP Circus on steroids. Showing off has become the new full-time job.
Final Request: Let real threats get real protection. Let clowns take the local train like the rest of us.
And please — for the love of Marine Drive sunsets — enforce traffic rules equally.
Otherwise, soon we’ll see auto-rickshaw drivers demanding pilot vehicles because “bhaiya, mera meter ka threat level high hai.”
Jai Hind. And Jai Common Sense.
Vikrant Meena Hemant Joshi.
