THE GENERATION GAP: WE GAVE THEM EVERYTHING. BUT DID WE GIVE THEM DISCIPLINE?
There is a strange conversation happening inside homes today. Parents are worried. Teenagers are angry. Parents believe their children no longer listen, while teenagers believe their parents no longer understand them. And somewhere between these two emotions lies the biggest problem — both sides may actually be right.
This is not simply about good parents and spoilt children. It is about three generations living under the same roof, each carrying a completely different idea of what is right. Grandparents feel the children are getting spoiled. Parents are caught between protecting their children and disciplining them. And teenagers believe the older generation simply doesn’t understand the world they are growing up in.
But perhaps the most important word missing from this entire conversation is DISCIPLINE.
Grandparents often tell their sons and daughters, “The children are getting spoiled. You need to be stricter with them.”Their argument is understandable. They say, “We raised you this way. Why can’t you raise your children the same way?”But there is one fundamental problem — times have changed.
The world in which grandparents raised their children is not the world in which today’s teenagers are growing up. Technology, social media, money, friendships, exposure and even childhood itself have changed. Expecting parents to raise today’s teenagers exactly the way they themselves were raised is simply not realistic.
And this is where the real battle begins in many joint families. A grandparent tells the parent, “You should tell him this. You should stop her from doing that. You need to discipline the child.” The parent may agree with the principle but disagree with the method. The discussion becomes an argument. The father and son start fighting. Then the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law get involved. Suddenly, what began as a simple suggestion about disciplining a child becomes a full-blown family confrontation.
And the funniest — or perhaps saddest — part?
The child for whom the entire fight started is completely out of the scene.
This is one of the biggest reasons joint families or whose parents are regular visitors to your nuclear family, witness friction. The disagreement is rarely just about the child. It becomes about parenting styles, authority, ego, money and the perennial question: “Who knows better?”
But parents themselves need to accept another uncomfortable truth. Many of today’s parents are the first generation in their families to experience real financial comfort. And perhaps, because of that, we have gone a little overboard.
Most of us who grew up in the 1990s and early 2000s remember what brands meant. A pair of Caterpillar shoes, Bata footwear or even a decent non-luxury brand could feel special. Branded clothes were not an everyday affair. Some came from Seconds stores in Lower Parel. Others went to Options, Linking Road or Fashion Street looking for something that looked expensive without actually costing a fortune.
Today, our children live in a completely different world. Nike is no longer reserved for special occasions. Expensive sneakers, branded clothes, high-end phones, restaurants, holidays, gadgets and international experiences have become part of everyday life for many families.
And why did we do it?
Because we remember what it felt like not to have those things.
We wanted our children to have what we couldn’t. There is nothing wrong with that. Providing comfort is a natural expression of love. But somewhere along the way, comfort can become an entitlement.
When a child begins to believe that everything provided by the parents is not a privilege but an unquestionable right, something has gone wrong. When “You gave it to me” becomes “It is your duty to give it to me,” the problem is no longer money.
The problem is values.
We gave them luxury. Did we also teach them gratitude? We gave them freedom. Did we teach them responsibility? We gave them expensive phones. Did we teach them restraint? We gave them choices. Did we teach them consequences?
We gave them comfort.
Did we give them discipline?
Parents worry about alcohol, vaping, parties, late nights, expensive lifestyles, slipping grades and dangerous driving. Teenagers, meanwhile, feel that parents are constantly judging them, controlling them and refusing to trust them.
For parents, checking their location means care. For teenagers, constant checking can mean lack of trust. For parents, a curfew means discipline. For teenagers, a curfew can feel like punishment.
Same family. Same night. Two completely different realities.
But teenagers also need to understand something: having problems does not give them a licence to behave irresponsibly. Freedom without responsibility is not maturity. And parents cannot outsource discipline to schools, grandparents, drivers or society.
Discipline has to begin at home.
But discipline does not mean fear. It means boundaries. It means consequences. It means teaching a child that every choice comes with responsibility.
At the same time, parents need to listen. A teenager who appears to be constantly partying may also be carrying academic pressure, loneliness, peer pressure or the fear of falling behind. A crowded social life does not automatically mean a happy life. Sometimes partying is fun. Sometimes it is simply an escape.
And telling a teenager, “You have everything, so what problem can you possibly have?” doesn’t solve anything. Emotional problems don’t disappear because a child has an expensive phone or attends an expensive school.
There is also the question of culture. Teenagers may not want hours of forced prayer, but that does not mean they have rejected faith. They may not speak their mother tongue fluently, but that doesn’t mean they have rejected their roots. They may dislike extended-family pressure, but that doesn’t mean they don’t value family.
Roots don’t disappear. They evolve.
So what do parents actually want? Safety, respect, good grades, good friends and a responsible future.
What do teenagers want? Trust, freedom, to be heard, less judgement and understanding.
Look carefully.
Different words. Same love.
The generation gap is real. But it doesn’t have to become a generation war — or a permanent battle between grandparents, parents and children.
Perhaps grandparents need to accept that today’s children cannot be raised exactly the way their children were raised. Perhaps parents need to accept that in trying to give their children everything they never had, they may have forgotten to give them one of the most important things they themselves received — boundaries.
And perhaps teenagers need to understand that everything their parents provide isn’t automatically a birthright. There is sacrifice behind that branded shoe, that expensive holiday, that phone and that lifestyle.
Gratitude matters. Discipline matters. Responsibility matters.
Because parenting is not about producing a child who has everything. It is about producing an adult who understands the value of what they have.
We cannot control our children’s entire lives. Nor can we expect them to live the lives we lived. But we can teach them the difference between freedom and recklessness, comfort and entitlement, confidence and arrogance, and independence and irresponsibility.
The answer isn’t more control.
It isn’t complete freedom either.
It is conversation — with discipline.
Because we may have given this generation everything we could afford.
The question is whether we have given them enough of what money can never buy.
VALUES. GRATITUDE. RESPONSIBILITY. AND THE ABILITY TO STAND ON THEIR OWN.
Vikrant Meena Hemant Joshi.
